it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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