I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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