Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I could make wine with my vomit
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We left the knife in your bed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
