He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
