She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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