You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
