K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize