Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
