Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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