i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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