Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
