You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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