All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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