He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
