They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
