Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
