Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
