The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
