Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
