I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize