I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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