I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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