The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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