I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
