So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
