Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
