my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
