I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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