now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
