Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
