is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
