i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
