why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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