Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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