eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
