I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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