so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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