I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
