every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You pole danced in your parka.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
