Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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