Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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