He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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