I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
