Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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