his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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