??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
