i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
