Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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