Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
