i will never coherently bang her
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
