I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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