if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
