Who wears a wallet chain?!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
