I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
