My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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