Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
