It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
