shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize