I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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