Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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