I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
