wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
