I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
