wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
