i already hear my dad disowning me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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